Change the World
by Siren6
Summary: Takes place during 'Becoming Pt. 2'. Very angsty, read at your own risk.


Change the World  
By Siren  
  
Hey guys. I don't own any of the Buffy characters or 'Change the World' by COLD. This takes place during Becoming Part 2. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So this was it.  
  
Giles and Xander had escaped with their lives and now she was fighting for her's. Clutching the sword that Kendra had given her, she raised her eyes to meet her rival. She stared into the cold and empty eyes of her beloved; her soul mate. She vaguely remembered how they came to be like the way they were: mortal enemies. It was a stormy night on her seventeenth birthday. Like every other day, she and Angel had been fighting for their lives. They had barely escaped the Judge, and ran to the safety of his apartment.  
  
Angel had removed his the heavy duster he wore, revealing a dry shirt underneath. Buffy wrapped her arms around herself, soaked to the skin. Angel turned to her, concerned. "You're shaking like a leaf," he murmured, stroking her arms. She looked up at him, teeth chattering. "Cold," she choked out and trembled. Angel went over to his armoire, and took out a pair of black sweat pants and a white t-shirt. "Put these on," he told her, "just to warm up." She took them gratefully and sat down on his bed. She put the clothes down and reached up to remove her thin sweater when she noticed him staring at her. "Sorry," he mumbled and turned around.  
  
Buffy, now a bit self-conscious, took off her sweater and winced. She must've cut herself somehow. "What is it?" Angel asked worriedly. She looked up at his back and shrugged. "It's nothing, just a cut or something." She'd had broken bones and bruises, and she knew it would heal quickly. "Can I...let me see," he said firmly. Buffy held the sweater to her chest modestly, and nodded. "Okay," she said, her voice barely a whisper. Angel turned around and sat down behind her. He pushed the strap of her camisole away, and traced the outline of the small wound. "It's already closed," he said softly, his fingers still lingering on her skin.  
  
Buffy leaned against him and breathed deeply. His scent filled her senses and she closed her eyes. This was where she belonged, in the arms of her undead love. Angel wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head. "You almost went away today," she said. 'I almost lost him,' she thought to herself. Her heart twisted at the thought of it. "We both did," he replied, breathing in the scent of her hair. "You were right though. We can't trust anything," she babbled, the day's events taking its toll on her. "Shh..." he soothed. Tears welled in her eyes as she searched for the words to explain how she felt.  
  
"Angel, I feel like if I lost you..." He shushed her again, and she felt him tense. "Buffy, I..." Sensing that it was something important, she turned around in his arms. "You what?" she asked quietly. It unnerved her to see him so serious. "I love you," he whispered. In that second, she felt the world stop turning. He loved her. She had known that he cared for her, but to know that he loved her...it made her want to cry with joy. "I try not to but I can't stop," he said, holding back a cry. The emotions she had been holding back for the past few days finally escaped. The tears fell from her eyes, a mixture of joy and sadness. Now they both had so much to lose. "Me too. I can't either," she told him tearfully.  
  
Both overwhelmed with emotion, Buffy leaned towards him and kissed him softly. He responded, and soon soft kisses turn into passionate ones. Angel pulled back, panting. "Buffy, maybe we shouldn't..." 'Forget the consequences.' Buffy grabbed his cheek and forced him to look at her. "Don't. Just kiss me," she commanded gently. They shared a kiss, which soon led to so much more.  
  
And now he was gone.  
  
Thinking of the mess we made  
  
You became a part of me  
  
Thinking of the wish you made  
  
To break free  
  
It was because of their love for each other that she was now being forced to kill him. His soul was gone, and he was now the monster called Angelus. For so many nights she had hoped that it was all some bad dream. That she would wake up in his arms, safe and loved. But that would never happen. After they made love, she woke up to find herself alone. Angel had disappeared, and when she saw him again, she knew. She knew something had changed.  
  
Buffy had rushed over to his apartment, nearing the brink of blind panic. Since that night, she hadn't seen him. Opening the door, she walked in and shut it behind her. The lights were on, which gave her some hope. Looking around, she found herself standing in front of the bed. It was made and the clothes he had given her were folded neatly and placed on the velvet covers. So he had been by. Getting lost in memories, she felt the soft fabric beneath her fingers. He had been so gentle with her the night before. So loving and careful.  
  
Hearing a noise behind her, she turned to find him putting a chain on. A grin spread across her face and she ran over to him. "Angel!" She threw her arms around him and kissed him firmly. "Hey," he greeted softly, though a bit distant. "Oh my God, I thought something happened! I was so worried!" She kissed him again, finding herself nearly burning to be held by him. "You just took off," she said in an almost chiding tone. He pulled away with a cheeky grin. "I went out," he said simply and picked up a shirt. Buffy frowned, not understanding why he was being so calm about it.  
  
"But you just left." Angel slipped the shirt on and laughed. "Yeah, like I'd really want to stick around after that." Buffy blinked, shocked. "What?" He reached for his coat. "Let's not make a big deal out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all." He pulled on his coat, and glanced over at her. "It happened," he said as thought it were nothing. Buffy shook her head, brows knitted. "I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good?" she asked meekly. 'What is going on?' Angel laughed, and she couldn't help but cringe. She had never heard him laugh like that before. It was as though he were mocking her.  
  
"You were great, really. I thought you were a pro," he said snidely. Buffy looked at him as though he'd slapped her. Who was the man in front of her? "How can you say this to me?" she asked brokenly. 'Please stop this. Please.' Angel rolled his eyes. "Lighten up. It doesn't mean we have to make it a big deal," he said, almost annoyed. Now Buffy was angry. "It is a big deal!" she insisted. 'It was you and me, together. We made love,' she wanted to scream. Angel looked at her as though she were a child. "It's what? Bells ringing, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies?" He laughed and shook his head. 'How can he say this?'  
  
"Come on Buffy. It's not like I haven't been there before," he said with a cold grin. He reached out to touch her face and she jerked back as though she were burned. "Don't touch me," she growled. He looked thoughtful and shook his finger at her. "I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it," he said and turned to leave. 'It can't end like this. This can't be happening!' "Angel!" He stopped walking but didn't turn around. "I love you," she whispered brokenly, tears sliding down her cheek. He grinned and replied, "Love ya too. I'll call you!" With that, he turned and left.  
  
Playing you like I can  
  
Shoving it in your face  
  
If this doesn't break your heart  
  
I'm the one to blame  
  
Now the man she loved was standing in front of her, a sword in his hands. "You almost made it Buff," he said off handedly. "It's not over yet." Angel shifted the sword in his hands, murder in his eyes. "My boy Acathala here is about to wake up. You're going to hell," he growled. Buffy shrugged. "Save me a seat." 'I have nothing left to lose.' The fight began. Swords clashed and metal sung in the air. He swung at her and she dodged it, throwing an attack of her own. He missed it narrowly, and the fight continued. 'Parry, parry, thrust," she repeated in her mind. She blocked his strikes, concentrating on the fight alone.  
  
He swung at her again and cut her arm. Buffy glanced at the minor wound, than up at him. She let her slayer instincts take over and fought the shock. They had fought before, but he had never drawn blood. 'He's not Angel. He's Angelus,' she reminded herself. She clashed swords with him again, and kicked his legs out from under him. He did the same and they stumbled. This fight was taking longer than she liked.  
  
I never wanted to change your world  
  
I always wanted the simple things  
  
And whatever happens now it can't be real  
  
Buffy was losing the fight and she knew it. She had never used a sword that much while he had centuries of practice. She blocked another strike, but he quickly struck her sword and sent it flying from her hands. She was now unarmed and growing tired while her enemy still had energy to spare. 'I'm going to die here,' she thought to herself. To her surprise, she found she didn't care. She had lost everything, and now she was about to lose her life. The world would be sucked into hell, and all of humanity would endure an eternity of torture.  
  
No, she couldn't let it end like this. She had to protect the people she cared about. Willow, Xander, Oz, Cordelia, Giles and her mother. Even if she didn't fight for herself, she'd fight for them. She backed away from Angelus, dazed and stumbled. She went sprawling to the ground and backed up against the wall. 'Damn it, it's not supposed to end like this!' Angel looked at her, a grin pulling at his lips. "So that's it huh?" He pointed the sword at her. "No weapons...no friends...no hope." He toyed with the sword, taking his time.  
  
No weapons.  
  
No friends.  
  
No hope.  
  
He was right. She had nothing. Her friends were nearly killed and Willow was still in the hospital. Giles had been tortured and she still didn't know what kind of shape he was in. And she had finally told her mother about her identity as a slayer, only to be kicked out of the house and told never to return. Angelus was right, she had nothing. And yet here she was, fighting for them as always. This was her duty now. Her destiny is to protect the world at any cost, even her own life. Take everything away, and the slayer was what was left.  
  
"Take all that away and what's left?" Buffy closed her eyes, and Angel thrust the sword at her. Her hands a blur, she caught it between her palms. Her eyes flew open, and she looked up at him.  
  
"Me."  
  
She thrust the sword backwards, jabbing him in the forehead. She grabbed her sword and attacked him viciously.  
  
Thinking that you might betray  
  
My own private fantasy  
  
I'm the only one that gives you what you need  
  
She had the upper hands now and she knew she was going to win. He tried to swing at her, but she was too quick. She struck at him and sliced his palm. He dropped his sword and cried out. 'This is it.' She raised the sword, prepared to slice his head clean off and end it all. This would end all of the pain. Just as she was about to swing the sword down, he gasped. She watched as something went through him and his eyes glowed. After a moment, he fell on all fours, gasping.  
  
'It's some kind of trick. It has to be.' But than he looked up at her tearfully, and she knew. He looked lost and confused, but when his gaze settled on her, he looked relieved. "Buffy? What's going on?" he sobbed. She still held the sword warily, though her resolution was crumbling. 'Can it be true?' He looked around and got to his feet. "Where are we? I-I don't remember," he said softly through his tears. Buffy felt her heart swell and break at the same time. "Angel?" He looked at her wound and worry filled his eyes. "You're hurt," he said softly and touched her arm.  
  
She ignored the slight pain and looked down at the cut he had given her just moments ago. Lowering her sword, she took a step closer. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. "Oh Buffy...God," he whispered and kissed her shoulder. Buffy was still wary, but leaned into the embrace. "I, I feel like I haven't seen you months." 'It's really him.' Her face softening, tears sprung to her eyes and accepted the hug completely. After months of torture, he finally returned to her. She let out a deep sigh and closed her eyes.  
  
"Oh my God, everything's so muddled, I..." He held her even more closely if it were possible. "Oh," he sighed deeply, "Oh Buffy." He nuzzled her and she cried into his shoulder. 'Everything's going to be okay now.' Opening her eyes, she saw Acathala's mouth open and the vortex appear. 'No. Not now! I just got him back! Please God, please no!' She felt her world crumble and her heart break. She pulled away, the realization of what she would have to do settling in. "What's happening?" Angel asked. 'This isn't fair. None of this is fair.'  
  
She forced a small smile and touched his lips. "Shh...don't worry about it," she reassured him. She touched his face softly, fighting back the urge to cry. Tilting her face, she kissed him softly at first, than more strongly. He returned it and stroked her back softly. 'Oh God, this can't be happening...' She broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. The eyes she loved so much. "I love you," she whispered. "I love you," he replied. She traced his lips. "Close your eyes," she told him. He looked hesitant, but she nodded and he closed his eyes trustfully. 'I love you so much. Please forgive me.'  
  
She fought hard not to cry, kissed him gently and held up the sword. She looked at his loving, trusting face one more time. 'Forgive me, love.' Pulling back the sword, she rammed it into him. His eyes flew open, and he looked at her in surprise and pain. He looked at her imploringly, not understanding anything. He reached out a hand to her, his eyes begging to help her. But she couldn't look at those eyes, only the sword that was rammed completely through him. "Buffy," he whispered, tears in his eyes. Light filled the room, and after a moment, he was gone.  
  
'I killed him. I killed the man I loved more than anything. Oh God, what have I done?' Her bottom lip trembled and she began to sob. She had just sent the one person she loved to hell. Unable to look at the statue anymore, she turned and ran. Halfway to her house, she stopped in the street, her body heaving with sobs. "Oh God, Angel," she cried. She couldn't stay here. She couldn't go home. She had nowhere to go and no one to go to.  
  
"Take all that away and what's left?" Angelus' words echoed in her mind. "Nothing," she whispered. "Nothing at all."  
  
Now you're gone  
  
I feel betrayed  
  
You can't blame me  
  
You walked away 


End file.
